CHAPTER FIVE

I attempted to talk about my business affairs, but he was not listening. Instead, he continued speaking with anger about his wife, telling me that while he had been out of England on business for two years, his wife had had two children with another man. When her husband had returned, he had forgiven her, and they lived together again as husband and wife. Soon enough, however, his wife left him for another man, robbing her husband of his money before she left.

"So," said he, "she is a thief and a liar not because she needed to, but because she is truly evil."

Well, I pitied him and hoped he would soon leave his wife, but I still tried to talk to him about business, but he desired only to speak of his wife.

At last, he looked at me and asked, "You, madam, came to ask advice of me, and I will help you, but I must ask you to advise me, as well. Tell me, what shall I do with my evil wife?"

"It seems that she has run away from you, thus no longer your wife; what more do you desire?"

"Yes, she is gone, indeed," said he, "but I would like to marry again."

"Well, sir," said I, "then you must divorce her. If you can prove what she did to you, then you are free from her."

"That can be expensive," said he.

"Well, if your wife is to blame for your failed marriage, then you must be divorced. Then, you are free to find an honest woman to marry."

"I must ask you a question, then," he said, then paused, "I desire that you shall be the woman I marry, or I will not be divorced."

I was delighted to hear him say these words, but I knew that I must wait until after he was divorced to agree to the marriage, which would certainly persuade him to end his marriage quickly. Meanwhile, I would go to the north of London to live cheaply. The next evening, I met him at his home again. He asked me to sign an agreement, promising that when he was finally divorced, I would return to London, and we would be married. I told him I would not sign the contract, but that I would allow him to write to me in the north of England. Although I did not tell him, I refused to sign the agreement because my friend who was to take me to the north of England had promised me fortune and wealthy husbands there, which I planned to find out about.

My friend and I soon left for Liverpool. We stayed together for nearly six weeks, often receiving visits from her brother. After this time, I was taken to a cottage outside the city to live, where her brother often came to see me. Soon enough, he became my lover, telling me often of his great fortune. His sister explained that he had an income of 1,000 pounds a year, in addition to a great amount of land in Ireland, where he usually lived.

I looked like a gentlewoman of great fortune, with many fine clothes and a few servants to care for me, although I had never told my friend of my wealth. She had, however, believed my fortune not to be 500 pounds, which it was, but to be 5,000 pounds. Later, she declared it to be 15,000 pounds to the people in Liverpool.

Soon enough, her brother and I were married, although I continued to write to the gentleman clerk in London, who was hurriedly obtaining a divorce. I felt terrible for cheating him, but my friend persuaded me to marry her brother, promising me a life of comfort and wealth. The love affair happened quickly, during which the sister immediately persuaded me to marry her brother.

After we had been married about a month, he began speaking more often of moving to Ireland, where he owned quite a bit of land. We soon decided that we would go to Ireland to live. A short time before we were to leave, my husband asked me if I had to go to the Bank of England for my business affairs. I was quite confused as to his reason for asking me this question; I had never done business in the Bank of England.

"Madam," said he, very respectfully, "my sister has told me that your fortune is safe in the Bank of England, but perhaps you would like to take your money with you to Ireland, where you will be living." I was still quite confused, and told him that I had no money in the Bank of England. I decided that I must speak to his sister before I left for a strange country where I knew no one.

The next morning, I explained to her what her brother had asked me. She admitted that I had never told her my fortune was in the Bank of England or that I did, indeed, have a great fortune.

"When I first met you, I explained that I wished to go to the country, where I could live quite cheaply. How could you still believe me to be a woman of fortune after I admitted that?" I asked her, just as my husband came into the room. I asked him to sit down with his sister and I; he looked worried.

"Well, my dear," I said to him, "someone has cheated you, but it was not me, I promise you. I never told you I had a great fortune, and I should tell you now that, in fact, I am not a gentlewoman of fortune. We have both been cheated, my dear, as I never told your sister I had a fortune."

He now looked scared and wild. He was silent, but after some time, he stood up, red in the face, screaming at his sister, although I soon discovered that she had been his mistress for two years. He was to pay her 500 pounds for persuading me to marry him. He declared that she had ruined him, exclaiming that she had told him I had 15,000 pounds. She cried. He had spent all the money he had so he looked like a gentleman of fortune, and now had nothing left. He screamed at her more; she cried again, saying that she had been told about my fortune at the house in London where we met. This only upset him more.

"Well, my dear," he said to me tenderly, "we are both ruined, as I have no fortune. The little money I did have, this devil woman forced me to spend so I would look like a gentleman of fortune."

I was silent now, confused at what he was saying to me. But soon, I began to speak, "We are married, but you have cheated me, having told me that you had a great fortune when you did not. If I had had a great fortune, I would have been cheated out of it, as you say you have nothing."

"You would, indeed, have been cheated, my dear," said he, "but 15,000 pounds is a great deal of money for us both to live on. Besides, I had decided to spend my life making you happy. I would have spent your fortune only to make you comfortable."

This was very honest, indeed, and I really believe he spoke the truth. He was a man who could make me quite happy, I knew. However, we had no money to live on, which worried my husband and I greatly. The next day was filled with sadness, but my husband seemed a bit happier after dinner. I was still angry with that foolish woman for attempting to cheat me, but I was no longer upset with my husband. He was, indeed, a good husband and a true gentleman, although still a gentleman without a fortune. We had a great deal of conversation that night, as neither of us could sleep. He felt terrible for cheating me, and offered me the little money he had, but I could not accept it, or he would have nothing for himself.

He woke up before me in the morning. After I awoke, I found a letter from him, explaining that he had left with his servants, horses, and baggage.

My dear,

I am a dog; I have hurt you. Forgive me, my dear! I ask you to pardon what I have done to you sincerely. I have felt terrible for having cheated you. I was so happy to have you as my wife, and am now broken-hearted to be forced to leave you. Forgive me, my dear. Please forgive me! I cannot care for you, as I have no fortune. Our marriage is nothing; I shall never be able to see you again. Please find happiness. I hope you will find a husband of great fortune. However, if you do not marry, and I become wealthy, it shall all be yours.

I have left some money for you. Again, I sincerely ask you to forgive me.

Goodbye, my dear, forever!

J. E.

Nothing in my life had ever upset me more than that letter did. I was angry with him for leaving me, as I only wanted to be with him; I was no longer worried about being a gentlewoman of fortune. I saw that he had left me ten guineas, his gold watch, and a few rings.

I sat down for the next few hours, looking at his letter, crying and calling his name. "Oh, Jemmy! Come back, come back. I'll give you all I have!" Then I would walk around the room, calling his name again, telling him to come back, and then cried again.

I spent the day crying for my lost husband till about seven o'clock, when he surprised me by returning to me. I did not know whether to be glad or angry, but when I saw him, I was overjoyed, and ran to him.

I told him how I spent the day, and how loudly I had called his name, telling him to return. He told me that he had heard me from a forest about twelve miles away.

"Do not think I am lying, as I heard you call me. You said, 'Oh, Jemmy! Oh, Jemmy! Come back, come back.'"

I laughed at him, but he insisted that he had heard my voice. I told him he must never leave me again, but he explained that he only returned to say goodbye to me. I persuaded him to stay with me for a week more. He agreed. During the next week, I told him of a plan for us to stay together, while making a fortune for ourselves. I explained that we could leave for Virginia, where we would buy land cheaply, eventually able to make a great deal of money from the land. I then told him that I knew a great number of people that had bought land there, and had become quite wealthy. At first, he was rather interested in this idea, but eventually he began speaking about moving to Ireland to buy land in the same manner, telling me that he could make a great deal more money there. He promised me that he would come back for me if he was successful. I gave him an address that he could write me at, although I never told him my real name.

Soon after, I arrived in London, and lived very quietly, remembering my wonderful time with my husband. My happiness ended when I discovered I was with child. I was quite worried as to what to do; I had no friends to ask for help, and did not know where to go to have this child.

During this time, I had continued to write to my friend at the bank, or rather he had continued to write to me, as he wrote to me nearly once a week. In his latest letter, he explained that his divorce was almost complete, though he had some unexpected difficulties. I was pleased to hear that his divorce was taking longer. Though I could not marry him now, as I was with child, I decided that I would marry him if he was still planning to marry me; I believed that my husband would never contact me again.

After some time, the family of the house noticed that I was with child. Shortly after, the lady of the house politely suggested that I find another place to live, as I was there alone with no husband, which did not look proper. After this, I became quite upset, as I had no place to go to have this child. I was so worried about my situation that I soon became rather ill. The lady of the house suggested that I find a nurse to help me, but I told her that I did not know any nurse in the area, so she promised me she would find an excellent nurse for me. Soon enough, the nurse came to see me. She explained her services and fees, which were rather cheap; I was delighted to hear this. She told me that I could go to live at her house, where many women went to have their children, which was a comfortable place with private rooms and servants. After speaking to her several times, I realised that most of the women who she helped were unmarried women, often mistresses. I explained to her that I did have a husband, but he was far away, and unable to return. She seemed unconcerned with whether or not I had a husband. She explained that whether I was a wife or a mistress, she would care for me.

Soon after, I moved into her house. On the day I arrived, she sent me a roasted chicken and a bottle of wine to welcome me. She visited me often during my stay, which eased me a great deal. After being at her home for a week, my illness was cured. I had become ill when I realised I had no place to go to have my child. Now, however, I no longer had such worries. My nurse often spoke to me about what I would do with the child after it was born. I was, indeed, quite concerned about what to do with my child, as I had little money to care for the poor baby. She told me that many women who came to live at her house to have their babies, were unable to care for their children, and were placed with other families, who would raise the children. I was worried, however, that my child would not be properly cared for. I feared for my child. My nurse assured me, however, that she would find the best families to care for the children. She reminded me, as well, that many of these children would live on the streets with no one to care for them or die if she did not find them homes. We spoke about this quite often, as I was rather anxious about what to do with my child after its birth.

While I stayed in her house, for nearly four months, I discovered that my dear nurse did not earn any money through taking care of these women, as she had thirteen in the house with me, and took care of nearly thirty-two in other homes. She earned her income from other work. She cared for each woman with great care, as if each woman was her own daughter.

I was shocked to see how many women she was taking care of, all of whom had the great problem I did, that they were all without husbands, and had no one to care for them. I never saw anything improper in that house. No men were allowed in the house unless they were relatives of the women living there, and were only allowed to visit the women if the dear old nurse was in the room.

A short time before I was to give birth to my child, I received another letter from my banker friend. He explained that he had finally obtained a divorce, and wished to marry me, if I would still agree to marry him. On the evening that his wife was informed of their divorce, she killed herself. He did not regret his decision to divorce her, but was upset that she decided to kill herself, although he no longer loved her as a wife. He declared that he was still greatly in love with me, and wanted nothing but to be with me. I, of course, had not told him that I was with child. I felt rather guilty for cheating him; if he had known I was with child, he would have been broken-hearted.

I wrote to him to congratulate him on his divorce. In the letter, I did not give an answer to his offer of marriage. I explained that he should think carefully about deciding to marry again so quickly. I mentioned, however, that I planned to return to London at the end of the year, this being the month of April.

In the middle of May, I had a brave boy. My nurse helped me greatly. She knew her job well, and cared for each woman with extreme care. Nearly twenty days after I had my dear son, I received another letter from my friend at the bank. He begged me to agree to marry him, explaining that he had thought a great deal about the decision to marry me, and desired nothing more in life than to marry me. I was quite anxious after receiving this letter, as I now had a child to care for, and could not tell him about the child.

My nurse knew that something was upsetting me greatly, and often asked me to tell her. I explained that I could never tell another person my secret. After telling her this, she began asking me more frequently about my troublesome secret, reminding me that she had never told me any secrets of the other women in her house. Finally, I explained the story of how my husband and I had attempted to cheat each other, but that my husband had told me I was free to marry again. Then, I told her of my friend at the bank, who had asked me to marry him, but who, as well, did not know I had been with child. After concluding, my dear nurse told me that my marriage was meaningless, and I was free to marry again, as my husband and I had cheated each other, and both agreed to part.

Although I was now free to marry again, I still had the problem of what to do with my dear child. I loved him dearly, but knew that I could not take care of him without a husband or a great fortune. My bank friend, however, was unaware of my new child. I greatly feared that if my friend did know, he would leave me entirely, and never write to me again. I was in great pain when I thought of leaving my dear child to someone else and never seeing my baby again. I was terrified when I had such thoughts. I was quite afraid that if my child was given to someone else to be cared for, he would surely die, as he would not be given the careful attention that a mother's love provides.

I often spoke of my fears to my nurse, who I came to call my mother. She seemed quite worried about my problem, as well, although many women had told her of such problems. Therefore, she was more reasonable about the situation, without the emotional feelings of a mother.

One particular instance, during which we were speaking of my child, she mentioned that my mother had not raised me, but I had raised myself and made a small fortune. I was rather shocked when she reminded me of not having been raised by my mother; I had had a difficult life, and did not want my dear child to suffer as I had.

"Never be concerned, child," said she, "I have no bad nurses around me. I employ the best nurses, who care dearly for the children."

She knew that I was still upset, quite worried about the future of my child, and myself. She continued to speak of the many children her nurses care for with great love and attention.

"Well, Mother," said I, "your nurses are very poor, and quite delighted to receive the money, and make sure the child does not die, or they will lose their income, but they have no reason to give the child a happy, loving life."

"They are as careful as any mother," said she, "they must care for the child as a mother would, or the child will be taken away, and they will lose their pay."

"Oh, Mother," said I, "it is impossible to be satisfied with finding a nurse for my dear child. I will always worry that my dear boy will suffer."

"Alright, my child, I have found out a way how you shall be certain that your child is well-taken care of. If you are able to spend a bit of your income each year, you shall be able to see the child once or twice a year, although he will never know who you are."

I was quite pleased with her offer, and immediately agreed. So the next week, a woman was brought to my nurse's home to take the child. I gave her ten pounds to take the child, and promised her another five pounds every year if she would bring the child to my nurse's house once or twice a year.

I then began to write to my friend at the bank more kindly. Near the beginning of July, I sent him a letter explaining that I would return to London during August. He quickly responded to my letter with great words of love, insisting that he would come meet me. I did not wish for him to see where I was staying, so I requested that he meet me in a town near London.

I was very glad to see him. It pleased me, as well, to see the expensive gentleman's carriage he arrived in, along with a servant to care for him. He decided that we should rest at an inn for the night before returning to London the next day, as he worried that I was tired after my journey. That evening, after dinner, as we were walking around the inn, I thought that he might ask me to marry him, now that he was no longer married. I decided that I must accept his offer, as I had little left of my fortune and no friends to go to. Soon enough, the owner of the inn came out to meet us. He informed my banker friend that he could call a minister to marry us, if we would need one.

My gentleman answered loudly enough for me to hear, "Very well, I believe I shall need a minister."

He then came to me, speaking sincerely of his love for me. He told me that he had wished to marry me since our first meeting, and now we were able to marry.

"I came to meet you so I would be able to ask you to marry me," said he, before showing me his divorce papers. "Don't be frightened, my dear," said he as he kissed me. That was the first time he had spoken to me with such passion.

As he spoke, I began to cry, and turned my head away so he would not see my tears. I thought of how sincere and honest this dear man was, this man who I had cheated so terribly in marrying another man and giving birth to a child. I then decided that I would no longer cheat him; I would be an honest, loving wife to this dear man. The minister was called to the inn, and we were happily married, in the presence of the inn owner, his wife, and their daughter.

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